Building Strong Connections

I think we can all agree how precious time is, and how fast time can fly by, especially when you have children. This concept runs through the lifetime of our parenting, no-matter how old our children are, because time is something we can't get back. If you take away everything else, this could easily be the most important thing to keep at the heart of your parenting journey. 

When I work closer with parents, I would be teaching you to actually how to make more time in the day, to make life even easier, but for now, let’s use what you already have. So here are some tips for if you find time tight in the day... 

Top Tip: Distinguish between quantity and quality time with your family. 

Let’s start with quantity! Picture the family in the same room, all on their mobiles, or tablets, not paying an ounce of attention to each other, maybe sat in front of the TV also. They could be like this for an hour or more, technically they are together, but are they connected? Definitely not! As a generation, we are missing out on simple things that jeopardise family connection, I am talking about really simple things like eye contact, listening, and talking.

We must make more quality time, which can even be moments, because, a moment of quality connection with your children will mean more, and be more beneficial to your relationship than an hour of distracted attention. 

For example, you are doing the washing up, and your son comes in chatting about his day, you are making listening noises whilst you crack on with the job in hand, ‘mmm, yep, uh’, you are busy, there’s lots to get done. 

Your son, on the other hand doesn’t feel listened to, or connected to you, after all he is trying to have a discussion with your back! 

So instead try this: even if it’s just for a moment, stop what you are doing, turn around, come down to his eye level, and show him, you are listening, ask him a question or two, or repeat back some of what he is telling you. 

Then after, you can get back to the washing up, and get it done without distraction, and you have now, been a role model to your son, showing him how he should be communicating with others, after all, you would expect him to give you his attention when you are talking to him. 

Now, think about the mobile phone thing... We see so many times, people having a discussion of sorts, but they are still engrossed in whatever they are doing on the phones, breaking that connection between people, our generation are battling against connection through social media, and real life connection, and we have to consciously bring it back. 

I want you to think about 3 things and commit to them, which will give you quality time with your children, you are going to need your diary, so if you don’t have it, jot it down and transfer it, or run and grab your diary now! 

Step 1: I want you to find 3 pockets of time in your diary, and to block them out now, where you will give 100% presence to your loved ones.  

Step2: I would like you to think of 3 different ways to connect with your family, they can be as simple as you like. Remember, we are looking for quality rather than quantity here, so one block of time might be 15 minutes and something very simple, like opening up a conversation, or opportunity to talk, or reading a short story together, keep it simple, but no distractions. Or you might find an afternoon to go out for a drink and cake. Your activities will be dependent on your children’s ages.

I hope you continue to cherish each moment, and keep planning and prioritising time together.